Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Look mum a willy

Carys pointing out the obvious, in her loudest voice.

Happy Birthday mum.

The girls returned, happy and healthy from their trip to Wales and the house sang again with love, laughter and happiness. It felt real again, being alive, surrounded by so much life.

Other than more injections and another course of antibiotics for a small throat infection the last three weeks only have three noticeable points. Another CT scan with another barium based drink, didn't taste any better than last time and the results come back today. It's one of the reasons for this post being a bit staccato, the results determine whether I have more chemo or go down the radio-therapy route, so I'm a little anxious.

The second high point was going into school. I had a day feeling really well, you know normal, so the next day when I felt great again I went in to Winterhill (where I work). I have a had so much support from people there that I wanted to see some of them and just say thank you. Along with Wendy and the girls returning from Wales the next big emotion was the girls and my friends and colleagues going back to school. It was a reminder that however I felt, I was still ill and I have a long way to go. Sometimes you get so see the people you want to but the first hurdle was I didn't want to get out of the car. I wasn't scared but I was nervous, nervous of how people would react to me, whether I'd scare any kids (not always a bad thing) and whether I'd be emotionally strong enough.

I needn't have worried, I had a lovely welcome from everyone I saw, the kids and the staff. I saw people who send me text's every now and again just to see how I'm doing. People who ring me up and just chat (cheers Dennis), people who post on here sometimes and people who write me letters. I brought one woman to tears, not the first time I might add, but in a good way (she assures me). I had smiles and waves off kids and plenty of hugs from staff. Although it made me nervous about germs and the like the physical contact and the emotional support that a hug gives far outweighed any worries. I had a good chat with the boss, about this that and the other and I was made to feel welcome. Which sometimes when I look at photos of myself I'm surprised that people look past me now and see the me that they knew.

The other high is that it's Wendy's birthday tomorrow so we had a day out to Chatsworth. Sotheby's have a load of sculptures there at the moment and we took a picnic and met mum and dad there for a glorious few hours walking round. I took the low route with dad as I was tired but the girls went off exploring and found more of the installations. It was a glorious time and the high point for me was the ample couple, just a very clever piece of casting. Then in the evening Wendy and I went to Artisan at Crosspool. Mum and dad had the kids overnight which was superb, even so we were home for 9 to watch the Strictly come dancing we'd taped earlier! I felt quite adventurous (I don't as a rule like fish) so started with scallops on pork belly and then had baked cod on a crab risotto for mains. They were both delicious and the head waiter was brilliant in advising about what may be less safe for me to eat, so thank you to them.

Right going to get some lunch now and then go and find out the results of the scan. To be honest I have no idea what I want the results to say, other than they're growing back (that'd be bad). More chemo means less scar tissue possibly, but more likelihood of a baggy heart, to go with my baggy belly. No more chemo means more scar tissue staying in me and the possible start of radio-therapy. Who knows. Go with the flow.

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