Sunday, March 28, 2010
Scared of being sh*t
I'm not sleeping very well at the moment, I keep waking up having nightmares about a class full of kids that I can't control.
It's funny that in all my years of working I've never dreamed about waking up at work naked. I've woken up on the counter of a department store I used to work at in my pyjama's, in my dream i hasten to add. Never naked though, a blessing for all to be honest!
I'm going to teach tomorrow, just periods 1 and 2 and only because it's a new group on the rotations. As a technology teacher the kids rotate round and come to you and then you teach them your specialty. So it wouldn't be fair on the kids or the member of staff if I missed the first lesson but then went in after Easter and said we're scrapping what you've started and doing this instead. It's just not cricket. So I have to take my balls in my hand, figuratively speaking, and man up. Put aside the fears that run around my head, the nagging voice that says I've forgotten where I have stored all my files, the voice that says that I've forgotten how to teach. I have to remember how to tie my tie, which key fits which lock and where the gents is.
All this worry sits on my shoulders and to be honest I'd find it easier and less stressful going for another CT guided biopsy. Just the process mind, not finding cancer and having all the associated garbage that goes with it!
Wend, as always, puts it in perspective for me though. I'm reminded that she's returned to work twice from maternity leave and she didn't make as much song and dance about it as I am. Well I'm not exactly singing and dancing more huffing and puffing and I'll blow you house down. Oops sorry too far.
Right, lets sort this out. I have my white board pens and my laptop. I have a rough idea where the files are but I have time to sort them. My new shoes are killing me so I need to do something with them and I know where my bag is. Ok I can do this, right where did I leave my balls..........
Something that cheers me up everytime I watch it: (borrowed from youtube, OK GO here it goes again)