Tuesday, September 17, 2013

The new me

Firstly an apology, well maybe an explanation not an apology as such. I haven't written on the blog for a long time, just over two years to be honest. This has been for several reasons, the first, misguided, reason was that I thought I didn't need to blog anymore. How wrong I was.
Secondly, blogging while teaching I find odd and an emotionally difficult thing to do. The blog has for me been a vent for frustrations and emotions. If I were to write about some of the challenges and challenging students I faced I would quickly be sacked or in the papers for being unprofessional.
I have had an incredible time over the two years since posting last, we've moved house, I've bought a motorbike, I've started a new job, Wendy has a new job, Wendy's been to New York (the week the hurricane hit), Georgia has moved to secondary school, we've been to Jersey and Paris and Pembrokeshire, I've got my tattoo, I've taken part in a mountain bike race (didn't finish but got two thirds of the way round a 30 mile route), I've lost a best friend to an accident, Ive lost a dear friend to cancer, I've made new friends, I've tried golf (it's not great but it's not terrible), I've cried a bit, I've laughed so much that I've cried, I've wondered why me and I've felt incredibly lucky.
Mostly though I feel blessed, lucky isn't enough, I have my family. The house we live in now has an incredible view over the valley which I have spent hours looking at thinking how amazing my life is. I have a new job which combines my love of engineering and the joy I find in passing on knowledge. The little adventure into the word of patents and intellectual property with Charlie is working out nicely and I can find nothing to complain about in the world I live in.
Yet until last week something was nagging at the back of my mind. My mind has been the weakest part of my recovery, fighting battles of why am I still alive mixed with I wonder if that pain is something I should worry about or not. I have had counselling which helped tremendously, through that I found that the job I was doing was giving me no room to build my emotional resilience. 
Through a conversation with Mark and then subsequent investigations at hospital showed my body was lacking testosterone. A new prescription of HRT (insert jokes here) which will probably last me a life time and I had a new lease of life. More energy and patience and a certain zest for life now comes in a gel which I rub on my shoulders and midrif, no where near the family jewels!
Life had reached, I thought, a peak of balance and contentment. Then last week I went out with some friends from my last job. We laughed and chatted over old times, new times and life in general. I was shattered so left early and drove home, part way I smiled and laughed to myself. I got in and sat with my wonderful wife and cried. We both shed a tear, the thought I'd had was that not once in the evening had anyone asked how I was. There was no reference to my health or hospitals or anything cancer related.
It was so amazing to be 'normal' I cannot explain how emotional the aftermath of being ill is but I now feel that I'm through, I'm Nick Hart. Husband, dad, son, brother, friend, engineer, lecturer, biker, eater of curry, drinker of beer and lover of life.
Thank you Wend you are utterly wonderful and I love you with all my heart.
Thank you to everyone else who's read this blog, it has been incredibly cathartic for me and I hope not too badly written for you reading it. 

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