Last night I went over to a neighbours to explain that I wouldn't be working on the allotment. This morning we talked it through and I came to the conclusion that I'm alive and therefore I'm going to live it.
So today has gone. The numbness is less numb. The head is a little clearer and doesn't hurt as much. The heart still feels like it's breaking but then there is so much emotion weighing on tomorrows meeting with the radiographer.
Talking to Charlie on skype this morning was hard, so hard, he like so many people expected good news. The news that the radio therapy is only a possible takes some explaining and it hurts every time I explain it. Part of my head was wondering when, if, I see him again, whether we get to go to his wedding next year. If we'll ever ride together again and eat curry and drink beer and talk bikes and b*ll*cks. The other part was thinking about getting my head straight and getting to the point where I get on with living life.
The rest of the day has been kind of normal, playing with the girls and learning how to set up a Wii. Chatting to Gareth and sorting out for the allotment day tomorrow, fixing a sensor for the light in the conservatory and I even went out on my bike. Normal is good, normal is keeping me sane at the moment.
At the start of yesterday I was starting to worry about going back to work, getting my lesson sorted and trying to think of names and timings. Now I'm not stressing about work, to be honest I don't feel very stressed at all and I understand why. Work is something that I can control, I can be good or rubbish and that option lays in my hands. My furball is not under my control, it's just something that is happening regardless of my actions. So there's b*gger all point in getting stressed about it.
Lets see what tomorrow brings.......
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