Monday, October 26, 2009

I've trimmed my beard!

For the first time in ages I needed to trim my beard. I'm taking it as a good sign.

The past couple of weeks have been such a waiting game, waiting for the scan and now waiting for tomorrow for the results. It's been a busy (comparatively speaking) couple of weeks. I've had more energy, day by day and my head is back to it's busy self. I've been making phone calls, they were hard before as I'd get tired after five minutes and then it was an effort not to show the person that I wasn't always listening!

I called in to school again which was good but weird, I guess I'll now a little better tomorrow how long it'll be before I'm back. It's going to be an interesting exercise in pacing myself when I do go back, relearning all my lessons and the timings, remembering names (kids and staff alike) and having enough energy to do all of the above!

I found myself in Weston Park for an unscheduled stop this week as I seem to have picked up a bit of a chest infection. It was quite an emotional trip as although I didn't get any news or treatment, other than antibiotics, I got to talk with a couple of people that previously I'd just spoken to in passing. A lady who travelled in from Derbyshire every week for her chemo tablets, she'd been there when I went in for my first treatment and it was lovely to talk to her even though I found she'd be on these tablets for the rest of her life. I hope they've ordered plenty! The other conversation was a lovely couple of ladies who had been laughing their heads off at my first attempt to fill in a form for the pharmacist early on in my treatment. We met in the pharmacy again and had a good old chinwag about bread and butter pudding and teaching and life. It was just nice to be reminded that all the while we are people as well as patients.

The most emotional for me though was overheard in the waiting room. A lady was telling her heavily pregnant daughter that she wouldn't have chemo as she'd lose her hair nor would she have surgery for obvious reasons. It upset me and as if I could have had surgery to save me going through chemo then I would have and as for the hair well most of you have seen my thoughts on that. It saddened me as there was a human being not wanting to go through something that may prolong her life and give her longer with her daughter and unborn grand child because of the way she would look during treatment. I appreciate that for a lady the loss of hair is an emotional nightmare but it's not what the majority of blokes want either, it's just something that we have more chance of having to live with. Personally I never ever want to be bald again but if it happens then so be it. I hope she finds a treatment that suits her..........

It's been a brilliant couple of weeks as well, the kids are amazing and great fun. I've been getting fitter so we've been going for walks and playing more than has been possible. Mum and dad have bought me some tool racking for the cellar which is fab. I know it sounds sad but it means I can get organised and tidy things up rather than just wishing I had a cellar fairy, that probably sounds wrong, to tidy up. I've also been out with the boys for a curry and a beer, I was completely shattered the next day but it was great not being the bald weird looking one in the corner, at least I'm not bald anymore!

Tomorrow is results day, whether I sleep tonight or not is any ones guess. As for predictions, it'll be what it is, I'll either need radio therapy or not. The only thing I'm scared of is the scan showing up more than they were expecting and that the chemo hasn't been as effective as they wanted. But then that's me being dramatic and a bit stressy about things.

Like I say, it'll be what it is. Bring on tomorrow.

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