Being alive is BRILLIANT

It's been an excellent couple of weeks, except for having a bit of a cold, not man flu I assure you!

It has been emotional because in the back of all our minds is the coming stint in hospital which is a massive unknown. I'm sure my body can cope, it's been through so much but it's still going, which is nice. Whether my head gets through the coming weeks is a bigger question, yes I have to stay positive and not give up, I don't like giving up. But there are going to be days when my emotions get the better of me and I just want to get out and get my life back.

That's the brilliant bit, we've had a bit of a glimpse as to how our life was and how it could be again. I've eaten curry and drunk beer with my dear friends. I've driven the car again, not far but it's been nice doing a bit. I've done a little DIY (amazing for a technology teacher and the shelf is still up 3 days later!). We've been to the park as a family and I pushed my kids on the swings. I've made Wendy breakfast in bed, I was knackered for the rest of the day but the pancakes were pretty good, even if I do say so myself! I've even thought about engineering problems and teaching and a future. A future where I'm not holding the sofa down, one where we're travelling round Scotland on a motorbike, where we're packing the car up to go on holiday, one where I'm running and biking again and feeling fit.

Anyhow that's all in the future. For now I concentrate on getting through the next few weeks and not forgetting to write Wendy's birthday card........

Next year Wend's birthday is going to be great, not sure what I'm going to do for it but it needs to be special.

Being alive is brilliant, yes sometimes it hurts when you stub your toe or Carys looks into your soul and says "I'm just so worried about you." But being alive means I'm here to have those sensations and to feel the wind on your face and to be there for Carys to hold her and try to reassure her. To tickle Georgia til she falls off the sofa and to to hold Wendy while we watch a film on tv.

I'm aiming to be alive for a while longer an I have to keep that in mind when my emotions get the better of me. Keep those feelings surrounding my heart to protect it to keep it safe from the demons that my head and hospital food conjure up.

I have amazing friends and family and it's them that will have the hardest time coming up. I send my love to you all and thank you for your support so far. I need you now as you need each other.