Monday, September 6, 2010
....... to down and then back up
Then results day.
The usual waiting and waiting ensued, we chatted and people watched and waited. Then it was us, we have stopped second guessing results as it's too hard emotionally. Having said that I was feeling very relaxed after the good week I'd had.
So the results. The chemo is continuing to have an effect, the lump is now 64mm x 56mm down from 75mm x something else! This is great news, it means that we can go for the high dose chemo and the stem cell transplant now.
Then came the talk about the high dose chemo which scared the pants off me. It really gave me an awful feeling, being in hospital for a minimum of 3 weeks with a minimum of 2 weeks in isolation with restricted visiting, no kids. Maybe 6 weeks in hospital. With possible risk of viral infection, fungal infection or infection from my bodies own bugs. Possibly 6 to 12 months before my immune system is back to normal. Infections can turn from an infection to death in a matter of days, so any little tickle etc is taken really seriously.
This was the time my sense of humour left. I felt like the colour drained out of me and my smile disappeared again.
Now as I write this my smile is back but it's strained at times. I'm knackered and I'm bloody scared. I don't want to be away from my family again and I certainly don't want to be ill.
But and it's a big but they haven't told me to measure up for a box and they're doing all this to me to give me more life so I take it on the chin and get through it. I'm sure my body can do it I need to convince my head it's a good idea though!