Monday, June 8, 2009

Black monday

When I started chemo I also started a course of steroids which was to run for five days. These were there to give my body a boost as the drugs would start to kick it down. Now I've only ever heard of steroids and their use in sport, especially cycling, so I wasn't overly keen on becoming addicted or anything. The possibility of becoming addicted is why the course was only five days, ten days and the patient has to be weaned off the drugs. The only possible drawback is that come day 6 when you've stopped taking the roids you may well have a real low as the chemo also tends to kick in then too. Nice.

Mum called to have lunch, I think it was as much for her benefit as for mine. It took a very straight conversation to get my point of view across and hopefully for mum to start accepting that I'm ok.

"I have cancer and I'm ok with it. I'm not angry nor do I ask why me but I have to get on with it and sort it out, go through the process." I didn't say this to shock mum but I am a beleiver in the truth and this statement was and is the truth. I didn't say it to provoke tears but I thought they would come and they did. Mum has always beleived there are happy tears and there are sad and that they are made up from different chemicals. The release of those chemicals starts a process of healing or acceptance. I have big waterproof shoulders and we put them to use that lunchtime.

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