Thursday, May 28, 2009
CT Guided Biopsy part 4! Last one hopefully!
So there you are, in a weird room, laid on a moving bed that you have no control over, your head in a dirty great big polo and everyone around you is wearing some sort of body armour. I could feel my self getting tense and thought this is bloody silly but how do I chill myself out and relax? Then I was aware of the number of people in the room at the same time, I could see about 8 but Wendy told me after there were at least 11 in and out of the scan room. This brought it home to me, these people are trying to prolong if not save my life. They are putting themselves at some risk because of the emissions from the scanner to try and help me. They don't know me from Adam but there they are, yes it's their job but they could have been a milkman or something less risky.
Weird as this thought was it settled me and just calmed me enough to get into a good head space.
"Can you tell me everything you're doing please? I don't mind what you're doing just tell me everything please." I have a simple way of coping with procedures, if I know whats coming and why it's going to happen (the mechanics of the process) then I can cope with it. It all stems from a witch of a dentist I had when I was a kid. She'd hold the syringe behind her back and then jab you when you were expecting a bit of a flossing! She was evil and not even a very good dentist but there we go, can't tar them all with the same brush!
First was probably the most painful bit. Four long Cotton buds taped together were then taped to my chest. They were evenly spaced and placed on my chest pointing from my head to my toes. Then I went into the scanner, there'll be a lot of this, this allowed them to determine where the incision needed to be. They could use the ribs for the position height ways and then the cotton buds for the distance across. Once happy they marked the exact position with a permanent marker and pulled off the cotton buds. Ooooh not good, not as bad as the ECG pads but there's even less hair on my chest now and it's in weird bald patterns like I have a small mower that I trim it with.
Then the cold bit. To clean the area they used a liquid which must have had a high alcohol content, not because I drank it but from the way it evaporated. Cor blimey it was like the Saundersfoot charity swim all over again.
Now come the needles. Firstly the local anaesthetic, just a scratch into the skin, not very deep. Then the good stuff, the deeper anaesthetic, ooh that's deep, should it go all the way through......surely it must be there by now. "I wish you'd told me you were going to leave that in" how I didn't say what I was thinking which was along the lines of: what the f**k are you doing you've left the needle bit in me, aaargh it's bust, is he completely stupid? "Oh I'm very sorry, I'm going to leave that in you, sorry I should have said." Too effing right you should have said but hey we're all human. He'd left the needle in so he could attach a second syringe which had even more anaesthetic in and pumped that into my chest cavity.
"Just show Mr Hart the biopsy tool and operate it so he know's what it sounds like please" There were two people doing the actual biopsy, one (Mr Bull I think) was the senior of the two he was guiding and training the other guy who's name has gone. Mr Bull had registered my annoyance at the needle incident and was makign sure nothing happened further into the procedure. I'm glad they operated the mechanism before it went into me as it went with a real good click, nearly a bang but not quite. So they thread the tool into my chest and are trying to position it best they can. "Into the scanner please and hold there. Right back out again and a bit deeper." Mr Bull was holding the tool with a massive pair of tongues, you know the sort you use for turning bangers on a bbq but made of stainless and costing way more than the average bbq. This way he could see the screen of the scanner and where the biopsy grabber (must be a better name for it but I'm not sur eof one) was in relation to the furball. "Right in a little further and then we're going to take the biopsy." BANG, ok so the click I'd heard earlier was magnified within my body and although probably no louder to the ear of a bystander to me it was like a little firework going off in my chest. "Ok that's great, lets take another one while we're here so the lab has plenty to go at." So they repeat the whole positioning process again and take another biopsy.
Then as quickly as they had started it was done, "Well done Mr Hart, we've got two good biopsy's for them to work at and everything went well." Everyone within the scanner room appeared relieved and relaxation and humour crept into the conversation again.